When Survival Becomes Exhausting

I know how to keep going and just deal with it.

I can get up, take care of what needs to be done, answer messages, help somebody else, and figure out the next problem. From the outside, that can look like I’m doing fine. But being able to keep going doesn’t mean I’m okay. Sometimes it’s hard to swallow my pride and say it plainly: I’m not okay. I’m overwhelmed.

There’s a certain kind of exhaustion that comes from living in survival mode for too damn long. It’s more than needing a nap or to sit down. Your mind is tired of thinking ahead. Your body is tired of staying ready. Even when something good happens, there’s a part of you still trying to figure out what’s next.

Sometimes I’m tired before the day even starts. That’s hard to explain to someone who only sees what you manage to get done. They may see the work, the care you give, and the way you show up. They don’t see what it takes to do those things when you’re already running on empty. And then you feel guilty for being tired because other people need you. There are things you care about that you want to do. You may even be proud of what you’re doing. I can feel good about the care I’ve been able to share through Silent Love Protocol and still admit that I’m exhausted. Both are true.

I’m learning to pay attention to that exhaustion before I reach the point where I can’t ignore it. Sometimes taking care of myself means doing less than I planned. Sometimes it means admitting that I don’t have the capacity to carry someone else’s problem today, even though I care about them. That can be difficult when surviving has become such a “normal” part of who you are.

If this sounds familiar, I hope you give yourself a little room to be honest about it. You don’t have to wait until you fall apart for your exhaustion to count.

Take care of yourself today, as best you can.