Everyone Knows Someone
My purple hair this month is more than just a style. Purple is a symbol of strength and resilience. A reminder of my past. A past that forever changed me.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
To some, those are words you understand but haven’t personally lived through.
And to others, it’s a part of your life story. My purple hair is a soft indicator of part of mine.
If you know me, then you know someone affected by domestic violence.
Before the purple ribbon became part of my story, I was already carrying trauma associated with the teal ribbon. Sexual assault. I didn’t know what healthy coping was. I just knew I needed love.
In my past, I’ve loved someone who put their hands on me. It was embarrassing, so I never wanted to talk to anyone about it because then I’d have to face what I was trying to ignore and mask.
Talking about it in the present day, I still can’t help but cry. So many emotions are associated with that part of my life, but the biggest is sadness.
I’m not sharing every detail. Trauma is deeply personal, and I can admit that some things are still harder to acknowledge. I receive clinical support to work through those parts, too.
The first time it happened, I was shocked. I had a busted lip. He apologized immediately, said I made him mad, and promised it would never happen again. But it did. And then again.
“Well, why did you stay?”
First and foremost, NEVER ask someone that, even if you see no harm in doing so. It can shift blame onto the person, and guilt is not an emotion anyone in a similar situation needs to carry.
But second, in my situation, I stayed because, at that time, I was at a point in life where I didn’t love myself. I couldn’t see the beauty in myself or much of any worth, so hearing “I love you” and receiving affection was enough to forgive him and tolerate things. It felt like someone was loving me when I couldn’t love myself. That felt special, like something to hold on to rather than run away from.
That was why I stayed, and it became a temporary norm. You get used to the yelling and hitting. But something in me changed. My nervous system went into survival mode. Let’s fight.
Eventually, I started responding back, meeting violence with violence. In a way, I felt proud that I was standing up for myself. I wasn’t just going to sit around and take being beat on without fighting back.
But honestly, that didn’t help matters at all. Things only escalated. I remember one time fighting in the car while driving. At that point, protecting myself was the only thing on my mind when, in fact, I was risking my life by fighting in a moving car. Looking back, I realize just how bad things were before they got worse.
How did I leave? He ended up in jail for something unrelated, and I took that as my opportunity to move across the country.
But moving away didn’t end everything. I was pregnant, and we were still connected. Although he couldn’t physically touch me from jail, emotionally, it was no different.
I lost my daughter because of pregnancy complications that were beyond my control. He blamed me for her death. As a parent, being told you’re responsible for losing your child while you’re already grieving is mental torture.
I carried that guilt for such a long time. It took time, clinical support, and learning to love myself to understand that his blame did not make it my fault.
Unfortunately, losing her became the turning point that led me to find myself and leave that situation for good. I wish that weren’t part of my story.
I had an opportunity to get away, but not everyone does. And getting away physically doesn’t mean everything ends there.
This part of my story helped Silent Love Protocol come into existence. Through SLP, I offer the kind of care I needed back then. A reminder that you matter and that you don’t have to manage alone. For anyone who needs that same type of support, whenever they are ready, SLP will be there. 💜
I hope it never has to become your story or the story of anyone you love.
Just remember to be mindful. You never know what someone is going through. You never know what someone overcame.
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